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Moving Blues and New Beginnings

Hello there - welcome back to my blog!

Wow - six weeks later and I'm sat in my new house drinking coffee and contemplating my new norm, to be honest I'm still a little shell shock over everything that has happened in such a short space of time (and wishing I had taken a little more time off work!). I hate moving at the best of time (ask any of my friends), but I discovered that moving when all I really wanted to do is lick my wounds and hibernate is really overwhelming.

I think my problem with the actual moving bit is seeing your life packed into boxes, its also pretty chaotic …..and as we all know I am a bit of a control freak. As well as grieving my relationship, I'm also grieving the beautiful home that I no longer live in. At the same time there is also some excitement for the new house - I'm truly pleased with the gem I discovered, which seems so perfect for me. So many emotions to deal with....sometimes all at once! To use a cliché...its definitely been a rollercoaster!

But here I am - a week into my new home and I survived! I had a huge amount of physical help from my lovely friends and virtual support from all my friends connected to me by the internet. Each kind comment and pair of hands has really helped me and kept me going - thank you!

My new home make me happy and ticks nearly all the boxes I had for my next abode. I know the stars aligned when this came on the market (and I could afford to rent it) and I'm allowed to be excited about living here....it's just a bit odd when I am also still feeling so sad. 

Now that my books and teacups are all installed in their new home, I need to figure out how to live this wonderful new life that has been thrust upon me. Building flat pack furniture and work has kept me quite busy this week, but I have already noted that I am struggling a little in the evenings (an issue I hadn't really foreseen).....I don't really know how to fill my time properly. I'm not a great TV watcher and my concentration levels are stopping me enjoy reading at the moment. Bedtime seems to be getting earlier and earlier, but this means I am waking up earlier and earlier (in addition my insomnia is so bad right now) - a circle that I am keen to break! 

I just need to embrace my new home and find a new pattern for my evenings, any tips or suggestions are more than welcome! 

Thanks for popping by today and thanks for all your support.

Rachel

So much has changed!

Hello there,

So, I've been single for four weeks now....I've experienced so many emotions in that short space of time that I thought I was seriously losing my marbles at one point. The good days have felt vaguely empowering (and although I didn't want the relationship to break up, I think its important to acknowledge the positives) and the bad days have felt ….well frankly they have felt just awful. But I am still here....sat on a Sunday morning, listening to country music and drinking gallons of coffee (to combat the lack of sleep).

I think its safe to say that I'm now in coping mode....I've chosen to try and put the sadness and pain to one side just for a bit while I try and take some control and sort out my life (at least in the short term). Control is important to me (a whole other set of issues that I need to confront in the future!) and one of my issues with this breakup was the complete lose of control.....so it's time to make some decisions. 

As you know I'm not from Farnham and the majority of my friends don't live here, but over the last six years I have made Farnham my home. So I have made the decision to rent here, at least for a while. I like the community and small town feel.....I love Farnham park and the ability to jump on the train and head into London without too much planning. I still have a fear of living alone, but I'll just have to work on that.... in fact I don't think it's the living alone (I've done that before), more it's the thought of isolation that worries me. 

So location picked....next step....look for somewhere to live. Another completely daunting task that I haven't done alone in so long! I found the rental process has changed quite a bit....but thankfully in the favour of the tenant (who knew you could put a counter offer in for the monthly rent!!). I had quite a list of what I wanted for my new home....it was important that I found somewhere that made me happy for my new start. When you're feeling so sad, I don't think compromising on important things is the right thing to do. I wanted two bedrooms....giving me space for my crafting hobbies and for friends to stay, a garden would be lovely, car parking and the possibility of my cat living with me too - all at a price I could afford. Told you I was being demanding!

Seriously love my garden and being outside!

Viewing properties on my own has been odd - trying to imagine a new brand new life, in a new home. But I found somewhere quite quickly and this morning I've paid my first month's rent and security deposit (gulp - so much money!) and I move on the 1st November. I have my two bedrooms and garden, my cat can come with me and I even have space for a mini library! I've gone from not being able to see my new life to jumping into it feet first and if I am honest - it's quite empowering! 

So happy that Steve is able to move with me

My important messages from the last month have been.....all emotions are valid and should be acknowledged - even though I am sad, its ok to still find the joy in the world around me. Being brave is hard, but its worth it....you never know where your brave actions will take you. Friends are so important - and they come in all shapes and forms.

Now I've just got to start packing! 

Thank you for popping by today - remember be brave, be confident!

Rachel x

When Life Get's Turned Upside Down!

Hello there,

Welcome to my blog...….three weeks ago my life got turned upside down and I was left saying to myself "What actually just happened?!?" I had just got back from having my hair cut and coloured and my partner of 12 years ended our relationship.

Now perhaps I was naive, but I honestly didn't see it coming. Yes, we had our differences, yes we've been bickering, but I honestly thought we would grow old together. He seemed shocked that I wasn't on the same page as him and thought I would agree when he said "we're just too different". We lived in a nice house in Surrey, with a garden and a gorgeous cat. However, we weren't married and didn't have children, so at least that's a positive.

I was ….. still am.... completely shocked.

I had moved my life away from my hometown to be with my partner about 7 years ago and never regretted it. I kept in touch with all my old friends and didn't really make lots of new friends in the new area and didn't regret that either until that night when my life changed.

This year I turned 40 and looking around me the world has changed rather a lot since I was last single! Everything is different....how we interact with each other, how we consume everything and how we date and meet new people. This quite frankly terrifies me....suddenly feeling like a bit of an alien in a world that I had been so sure of previously.

Now this blog isn't a place for me to vent about my ex or be negative....it's a way to share my journey as I navigate my new world. I'm sure there must be lots of other people out there in my situation - suddenly facing a new world alone - and I want to share the highs and lows in the hope that we can help each other.

12 years is rather a long time and currently I am hurting a lot, but I've already promised myself that I need to be brave and confident in all the decisions that I make right now. Life throws us curve balls....apparently they help us grow....I didn't realise I needed to grow anymore!

Pre-Break Up - Blissfully unaware!

Anyway, I hope you decide to join me on my journey - I could do with the company!



Be Brave and Be Confident!

Rachel