So, I've been single for four weeks now....I've experienced so many emotions in that short space of time that I thought I was seriously losing my marbles at one point. The good days have felt vaguely empowering (and although I didn't want the relationship to break up, I think its important to acknowledge the positives) and the bad days have felt ….well frankly they have felt just awful. But I am still here....sat on a Sunday morning, listening to country music and drinking gallons of coffee (to combat the lack of sleep).
I think its safe to say that I'm now in coping mode....I've chosen to try and put the sadness and pain to one side just for a bit while I try and take some control and sort out my life (at least in the short term). Control is important to me (a whole other set of issues that I need to confront in the future!) and one of my issues with this breakup was the complete lose of control.....so it's time to make some decisions.
As you know I'm not from Farnham and the majority of my friends don't live here, but over the last six years I have made Farnham my home. So I have made the decision to rent here, at least for a while. I like the community and small town feel.....I love Farnham park and the ability to jump on the train and head into London without too much planning. I still have a fear of living alone, but I'll just have to work on that.... in fact I don't think it's the living alone (I've done that before), more it's the thought of isolation that worries me.
So location picked....next step....look for somewhere to live. Another completely daunting task that I haven't done alone in so long! I found the rental process has changed quite a bit....but thankfully in the favour of the tenant (who knew you could put a counter offer in for the monthly rent!!). I had quite a list of what I wanted for my new home....it was important that I found somewhere that made me happy for my new start. When you're feeling so sad, I don't think compromising on important things is the right thing to do. I wanted two bedrooms....giving me space for my crafting hobbies and for friends to stay, a garden would be lovely, car parking and the possibility of my cat living with me too - all at a price I could afford. Told you I was being demanding!
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| Seriously love my garden and being outside! |
Viewing properties on my own has been odd - trying to imagine a new brand new life, in a new home. But I found somewhere quite quickly and this morning I've paid my first month's rent and security deposit (gulp - so much money!) and I move on the 1st November. I have my two bedrooms and garden, my cat can come with me and I even have space for a mini library! I've gone from not being able to see my new life to jumping into it feet first and if I am honest - it's quite empowering!
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| So happy that Steve is able to move with me |
My important messages from the last month have been.....all emotions are valid and should be acknowledged - even though I am sad, its ok to still find the joy in the world around me. Being brave is hard, but its worth it....you never know where your brave actions will take you. Friends are so important - and they come in all shapes and forms.
Now I've just got to start packing!
Thank you for popping by today - remember be brave, be confident!
Rachel x
